Dealing with Criticism

  We all have to deal with criticism at some point in our lives. Whether it’s a sarcastic comment or an open confrontation, it’s inevitable that we will be forced to deal with it.  The criticism may be from someone we barely know, or from a trusted friend or relative. No matter who it is from or whether it’s a small slight or a major event, it hurts.
  We may get angry, resentful or defensive or we may retreat from life momentarily. It’s usually not pleasant and it’s not something that any of us enjoy. Also, depending on who offers the criticism, we may be able to dismiss it after awhile or it may fester in our hearts and minds.
  We must train ourselves to ask, “ Is there truth in this? ” Usually, there is. What keeps us from accepting this truth? Pride. None of us like to have our faults exposed, but it may be our opportunity to change something in ourselves that is unattractive or is keeping us from being our best.
   The Bible truly has an answer for everything. What does it say about handling criticism?
Actually, it says a lot.

 Proverbs 27:6  Faithful are the wounds of a friend
James 1:19 Be quick to hear and slow to speak
Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath
Proverbs 10:17 He is on the path of life who heeds instruction, but he who ignores reproof goes astray.
Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes but a wise man is one who listens to counsel.

There are also many references in the Bible about how to respond to criticism.

  Psalm 101:2 ... not returning evil for evil, reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, blessing, knowing that you were called to this to inherit a blessing.

  Do we have a tendency to criticize back?
 Romans 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.

   If the criticism is unwarranted can we still be kind?
Matt 5:44 Love your enemies, bless those who curse you and pray for those who persecute you
Ephesians 4:31, 32 Let all bitterness and wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God, in Christ, forgave you.

 A few years ago a good friend of mine told me that she was angry with me for not attending her Mother's and her Father’s funerals.
 When her mother died, My husband was just home from having abdominal surgery and the funeral was 3 hours away. He needed my help to even get out of a chair. There was no way he could travel in a car for 3 hours one way and attend a funeral. He was weak and I had to do almost everything for him. Of course that also meant that I couldn’t leave him at home and attend by myself. We didn’t have close family nearby to help.
 When my friend's family held her father's funeral, we were on a business trip that had been planned for months. My husband was speaking at one of the events  and we had obligations. The trip was 10 hours away and the funeral was in the middle of the trip and was 3 hours in the opposite direction. I saw no way to attend the funeral.
  Of course, in both instances, I explained the situation to her and I thought that she understood.
So, when she let me know later that she was hurt that I didn't come I tried once again to explain why I wasn't able to attend. I told her that if it had been possible, I certainly would have attended one or both of her parent's funerals.  She didn’t give me a break. She was still hurt.
  I was shocked and angry. I felt that she was being very unfair. Why could she not understand my situation and how could she hold a grudge?
 I stewed about this for days. I just couldn’t understand why she was being so unforgiving and unfair.
Then, God gave me a thought. He is so amazing! I love how He gently gives us a thought. It is always kind and it always speaks straight to the heart.  He told me to think about what she was thinking. Like a flood gate being opened I suddenly clearly understood why she was so hurt.
  This was very important to her. I was important to her. She had attended my Dad’s funeral and she expected the same from me. Her parents had welcomed me into their home many times and some of those times were when I needed extra nurturing. Yes, I sent a card and told her that I was sorry that I couldn’t come. I talked to her on the phone about the funeral and her feelings but she expected more from a close friend like me. It was so clear to me that I had not honored her parents appropriately considering the relationship that we had for years.
 When I saw the situation from her perspective, I saw that I had not done enough to show her that I understood that her parent's death was very hard for her. I was embarrassed that I had not reached out more.
 I couldn’t undo what was done, so I prayed and asked God what I could do. He laid it on my heart to call the library in their small town and donate 2 books, one in the memory of her Mother and one in memory of her Father. The librarians knew her parents, and determined just which books would be appropriate to donate in memory of each of them.
 They informed her of the donation and she was very appreciative. She thanked me and she seemed genuinely grateful. It only took that small act of kindness to smooth things over between us. I really was astounded at myself for not seeing the situation more clearly early on.  We have not discussed it again. Our friendship has remained intact.
 I am so overwhelmingly thankful that God showed me how to respond. Otherwise, a friendship that I had valued for years may have been compromised or even ceased to exist. Yes, I did have a good reason for not attending but I also failed to tune in to her sensitivity. She was very close to her parents and she took each of their deaths very hard. I truly was at fault for not honoring her parent's deaths in the way that I should.
 This criticism taught me to stop and think about these tender feelings. So often I get wrapped up in the small things in life and shove aside the values that are the most important.  Feelings, memories, memorials, relationships are all a number one priority. These are the life giving values that make our lives full.
 I needed to hear this criticism, embrace it,  and make a change that will enhance my life experiences.

Beach Trip 2012

We had a panoramic view

Lazy River with Mama and Sammy

Two teeth....GONE

I pads after the beach

Our beach trip to Gulf Shores was so much fun. We arrived on August 19th. The day before school started in Alabama, so the beach was not crowded, the elevators weren't packed and neither were the restaurants. We had a wonderful time. The weather was a little rainy and overcast at first but the last 2 days were beautiful. We loved our time together!

First Lost Tooth

Peej has been waiting a LONG time to lose his first tooth. He is like his mom...he got his teeth late and he is losing them late. He has been through 2 years of pre-school hoorays and yippees for his friends who have lost teeth, wondering "When am I EVER going to lose a tooth?"

WELL, finally, it happened. AND, it happened BEFORE he turned six. Exactly 2 days before he turned six.

He called me and said, "Honey, do you know why I sound so happy?"

"Why do you sound so happy, Peej?"

"Because I just lost my first tooth"

"Oh, how exciting! How did it happen?"

"I ran into the door while I was playing indoor baseball."

"Wow. Did you hurt your mouth?"

"No. I just hit the door and I felt something in my mouth. I put my hand in my mouth and there was my tooth! AND....I'm only FIVE."

Precious Boy. Love him so much.

Overdue Austin Trip

Look at those beautiful eyes!

Sammy's eyes are blue also!!

Sam goes from 0 to 100 decibels in about 2 seconds.

Addie and Henry are having fun playing

Two little monkeys jumpin' on the bed...

Love this profile picture. Don't you want to kiss those cheeks?

Dollar Tree glasses and a beautiful baby!

We had fun taking pictures of Henry's precious hands

Already being trained to be helpful. Henry loves doing the laundry

I had scheduled a trip to Austin near the beginning of June but I got a stomach virus the night before I was supposed to go:(  So I rescheduled and went to see the Gibsons last week.

Even though it was 108 degrees and we didn't spend much time outside  we had a wonderful time. Henry and Sam are so sweet. I loved being with them and playing with them. 

An extra treat was that we got to visit with Katie and Addie. Katie's mom, Anne, and I were suite mates in college and they lived near us in 1984-85 when Brooke and Katie were young and Leah and Shelley were born.  It is so special that Leah and Katie are now friends and Henry, Sam and Addie play together. I LOVE things like this!!
 
  Love these boys...and their parents!

Sammy "Hammy"

Hammy the Happy Boy

Sammy is very laid back and is a big flirt. 

 He is always smiling.

Leah says that most of the time Henry is very sweet

 and loving toward Sam, but every once in awhile he 

decides to put the blanket over Sam's head or take his 

pacifier out and throw it across the room. 

Well, Leah expects Sam to cry or at least look unhappy 

but, NO....Sam just laughs and looks adoringly at Henry like it's just the best thing in the world that his brother is playing with him.

SWEET BABY BOY!

Henry the Parrot

Leah told me the funniest thing that Henry does.....He mimics the comments that Mommy and Daddy say to him just as if he is saying them to  himself.....

For instance, the other day he woke up from his nap early and Leah was holding him on the couch hoping that he might rest awhile longer. He got up from her lap and got down from the couch and said,"Where do you think you're going?"  Just like he was anticipating what Leah would say!

Later on, he wanted a sip of her drink. He went to get a straw and Leah said, "OH, you want a straw."
Henry replied, "Of course you do" BEFORE Leah had a chance to say it!

Henry at his 2nd birthday!

Like Uncle/Like Nephew

Peej 2012

David 1990